Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
