My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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