the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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