I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
