She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
