i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
why do cheetos always look like penises
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
