He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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