What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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