Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
