he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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