One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
