Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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