dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
