The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize