I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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