I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
