My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
