Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
