There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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