do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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