Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize