Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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