know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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