Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
