i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Please don't give away my fajitas
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
