I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Randomize
