she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
