Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
