Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
