Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
