There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
