I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
