He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
