Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
