I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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