Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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