I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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