Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
