my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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