Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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