She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
