I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
