I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
