Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
