i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
