ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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