dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He is an equal opportunity slut.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
