end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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