i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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