i just had sex bonerless
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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