Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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