Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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