I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
