I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
