FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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