what day is it and did you see me today?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
