I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
