Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
