No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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