i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
