I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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