She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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