then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
