so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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