I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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