Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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