I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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