you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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