i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
