dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize