Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
