I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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