I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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