we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
