The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
