I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
