Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
