Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I would fuck him just for his dog
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
