I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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