These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
