On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
