HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
