watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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