i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
