Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
