Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
