she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is her dick bigger than yours?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
