Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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