I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
