A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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