I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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