i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
