Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
