Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My ATM looks so different sober.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
