Swine flu. Run for my life!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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