I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
