I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
