"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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