A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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