Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
