I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
