i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
