a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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