smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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