Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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