Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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